License to Thrill.

"The name is Bond. James Bond." The spy who can kill foes with his gadgets and women with his looks. Pierce Brosnan was a hunk. But Daniel Craig is Ooh la la! Matt Damon aptly played Jason Bourne. No, this not about the eye candies from Hollywood but altogether a 'secret' story.

I was reading Robert Ludlum's The Prometheus Deception and was imagining the prospects of working with the Intelligence fraternity. So very thrilling. So enthusing! You're on a mission- a secret one. You travel around the world under aliases. Your 'colleagues' know you by your field names. You as a field operative have prowess of speaking different tongues to camouflage your true nationality. Hair-trigger action, near fatal decisions, armed or unarmed- but dangerous... you sure can't plan your next move.

But being a girl, it only means limited assignments. Something like 'Charlie's Angels' and not 'Jason Bourne'. This implies not too extreme breathtaking stints. You can't expect a femme to make way into a terrorist camp even in disguise, easily. There are some more occupational hazards being a spy.

Unlike a 9 to 5 job, you can't call in sick as the whole task has been planned precociously. There is no way out once you are in. And how does it feel looking death in the eye! Interesting? Or intimidating? Surely not for the faint hearted! Also, it is very obvious you can't go telling anybody (even friends and relatives) that you are on payroll of the CIA or Mossad or KGB or M15 or whichever. Isn't it tough to keep such secret unknown from people those who matter?

So I think its okay that I'm not now being briefed about an assignment at Langley, but here writing this post without any worry of catching a special flight within the next hour and God alone knows to where.

The Idiot Box.

John Logie Baird must've been blessed by a lot of people. After all he had invented the television. It was the 'big thing' and video surely killed the radio star. It has been a part of our life for almost more than half of our age. There was a time when we had nothing more to watch other than Doordarshan. Still we sat glued to the TV set and watched whatever was shown. Today, I doubt if anybody still watches it except when cricket matches are telecasted only on DD.

As of now, we have around more than 90 channels which we can surf through. But yet I've hardly got anything to watch. Out of those 90+ channels, most of them are regional channels. And these don't come in the list of channels I watch. Whenever my dad switches on Asianet or Surya TV and I'd rather take the newspaper and solve a crossword or surf the net. (No, its not about 'I-don't-watch-regional-channels attitude, but language problem.)

Do you have the count of news channels? BREAKING NEWS flashing on every news channel. But what is the news? Some unworthy news that would be better placed on the 3rd or 4th page in the newspaper. But they have to increase the TRPs in order to secure their position in the budding competition. Talking about TRPs, who else takes the cake than the soap queen- Ekta Kapoor. Love her, hate her, but you can't ignore her. Even though her serials are ridiculed by many of us, she's having the last laugh. No doubt she is ruling the Television set.

Another thing that is a craze on television these days are the Reality shows. We have American Idol, Dancing with the stars, Big Brother, etc. in our own desi style and several other clones of such shows. Duh! The drama on these shows portray more emotions than the soap operas. Spare me! I still love my Tom, Jerry, Dexter, Ed,Edd and Eddy any given day.

So what else is left worth viewing? Mtv and Channel V don't play the kind of songs I want to hear. That zeros in to some footie matches and movies. But thanks to load-shedding in our city, I have to even miss out the joy of 90 minutes at times :X Lucky if I am, some good movies on HBO, Star Movies or even Zee Studio will do for me.

Is that all? Yeah. What else can a whiner get? So, I'll stop complaining and get back to work.

Blink 182 - 'TV':


When I'm at work, ya, I always rush right home for lunch
So I can check out what's up on the Brady Bunch
And when I'm walking through the front door at night
I gotta see who's winning on The Price is Right, oh

I never dreamed that I'd spend my days
Staring at some tube emitting cathode rays
I need my TV

What's happening in this world, I don't care at all
But it better not pre-empt Monday Night Football
I can't even come up with my own views
I'm taught how to think from the evening news, oh

I never dreamed that I'd spend my days
Staring at some tube emitting cathode rays
I need my TV

La la la...

What is it ´bout men?

I am surprised! Read it in the papers: Today's the International Men's Day- celebrated today(19th Nov) in India, on February 23 in Ukraine, on March 9 in Otlenia and never in Sweden. See here

Never heard about it before. How ignorant am I! But do they really need any official day dedicated to themselves? As far as I know all the 364 days in the year belong to them... the one day spared to women is 8th March- International Women's Day. And also think what do they do on this day? They themselves won't be able to come up with some special way to celebrate. What a waste!

Okay, I've come up with a list of what men can do on International Men's Day.

1. Hold a seminar discussing about the rights and privileges men should have in equality with women. Also discuss about the plight of men and the crimes against men by women.

2. Call up all male buddies and colleagues wishing them 'Happy Men's Day'!

3. Hang out with buddies at some local joint and party the night away.

4. Arrange a screening of some live match (if one's there or else some nice flick) and enjoy it over booze with pals.

Its so sad, I can't even come up with more than 4! And talking about these 4...

1&2... Hahahahaha... What a joke!
3&4... Huh? Whats new about it?
Men will be men!

There you see. Nothing can be done on IMD. Anyways, if you can think of some way to celebrate this day, do let me know:)

Heres wishing every male on the planet- HAPPY MEN'S DAY!

Party headlines.

SCENE I:

A socialite throws a 'bash' for her husband who gets a meaty role in a 'K-serial'. (As though they need reasons for a bash!) All the big names of the Television industry are invited for the do. And some out-of-work film personalities too. Where else can they get some limelight? So, at the party-

Mrs. Hostess: Oh Mrs. Khanna! *mwah-mwahh* Its been so long. You look so very young even at 37.

Mrs. Khanna: 37! Honey, I just celebrated my 32nd birthday last week. It was really wonderful. Just me and Anand (Mr. Khanna) and the beautiful beach in Schylles. I could not ask for more!

Hostess: Wow! Yes. We had been to Schylles too last year. We may plan something for this year too. Harry was asking for you. Simran! Your attire looks fabulous! *hugs and kisses*

Simran (a wannabe model): This one? Yeah! Bought it from Gucci when I had been to Paris. You should've checked the Paris Fashion Week. It was amazing. Some model co-ordinators met me and are willing to keep me in mind for the next fall.

Hostess: Aww! I missed it. (Bitch! No Indian designer will be willing to hire her and she's talking about Paris. Wait till I tell Pinky about it. Gucci! Must have borrowed it from some down-market boutique.) What about your boyfriend? I've been hearing some rumours lately.

Simran: He's a dog. A good riddance! Anyways I'm seeing this another guy *blushes* Don't let anyone else know about it. I'm just telling you. I consider you my closest chum, you see. Hey! Isn't that Khanna? What has she done to herself? She thinks she's some 30 year old!

Hostess: Oh! She? Everybody knows she's already going under the knife. Whom does she think she's fooling? I heard that Anand is straying away past one year.

Simran: There's Jiya. I'll just catch up with her. She had some urgent work with me. Good that you arranged this party. Where is Kunal? (Mr.Host)

Hostess: Actually, Kunal is caught up with shooting. You see, he plays such an important character in the serial. He'll be coming after a while.

(Simran heads towards Jiya. Hostess tries calling up Pinky, but there's no response from her side. She then gets back to attending guests.)

**********
Tyra(a sociallite. Her ticket to parties are dating celebrity guys.): Hello Mr. Raj. Nice to see you here. I've heard that your new movie is set for release next week.

Raj: Ya. I'm pretty much excited about it. Its a completely different story. I play the lead guy who is in love with a rich girl and her family disapproves. We've shot mostly in Uk and Switzerland. People are gonna love this story.

Tyra: Interesting story. I've also heard your director uncle is looking out for new faces to be casted?

Raj: If you want, I can refer your name. Meet me sometime soon. I'll surely try to push you in.

Tyra: That will be so very nice of you. Wish you luck for the movie. (Damn I hope the papers have my pic with him. His girlfriend will ditch him then. I'll be no more be single again.) *smiles her best smile*

**********
Jiya: Just look at that slut! Hooking some another bakra. Simran, do you know What I saw last week?

Simran: What?!

Jiya: Kunal and Pinky were leaving a nightspot together. They were walking hand in hand.*giggles*

Simran: Don't tell me! *in disbelief*

Jiya: Why do you think they're missing from the party? Anyways, how is Anand? Will he not even speak to you in midst of other people?

Simran: *sigh* I myself have called for it. Forget it.

**********

Kunal and Pinky enter the room. His wife goes to greet them. Pinky smiles at her and walks away. Kunal seems to be already sloshed.

Hostess: What is wrong with her? She's be behaving like this for past few days.

Kunal: Why the hell are you asking me? She's your friend.

Hostess: Behave yourself Kunal. Keep your voice low.

Kunal kept ranting, while everyone now looked at them in utter silence. His wife was almost into tears. One of the hostess' friends, Samir, intervened. But Kunal shoved him in a fit of rage. Samir went ahead and punched him in the face. And the argument turned into a fist fight. Everyone now gathered around them.

The cameras went click-click... a woman shrieked, another was trying to make it to the exit. Most of the men were busy trying to keep those two apart while the hostess was continuously wailing. Someone took Samir and left the party. The remaining too left the scene after a couple of minutes. Kunal had bruises on his face and a blackened eye. But he still was hurling abuses. His wife went to her room and locked herself in sobbing and packing her bags. She may go to her mother's place.

**********

The next day the paper had carried out this news on its Page 3 section with the headline-
" A 'Bash' to remember!"





SCENE II:


Ramu lived in a slum. This had been a very special day for him. It was his son's first birthday. His wife had earlier given birth to 4 daughters. But finally, he had a son who would proud to carry his 'lineage'. So on completing a year, the son 'deserved' to be celebrated. His daughters' birthdays had never even seen a cake beneath a candle or even new clothes. But here the whole moholla was invited. Lights were put up and the loudspeaker blared the top most bollywood numbers and had all the kids dancing the evening away.

Everyone were given a paper plate with some wafers in it. He sat among his friends and boasted how lucky he was to have a son. His friends agreed with him and merrily drank the country liquor he had bought for the occasion. All men drank and sang and danced along the track Himmesh was crooning from the speaker.

Suddenly, one of the men fell on a woman. Her husband reached to the man and hit him. In no time there was a brawl with every man trying to get their hands on each other, slapping, snatching, punching, kicking. The music died out and profanities filled the air. Women dared not to pull their husbands away. Little children cried clinging to their mothers while elder ones looked in horror. Teenagers were excited. Some cheered the group, some tried to resolve the conflict and some themselves got into the riot.

Suddenly there was a sound of police siren and some motor bikes. The police had arrived as well as some scribes. Several people were detained by the policemen.

**********

The news was carried on in the crime section of the newspapers with the headline-

"Big brawl in the city slums."
Several detained by the police.

Mis(s)quote!

These days I had some proverbs on my mind. Great people have had their say. Well, those great sayings have gotten a face-lift... er... rather a meaning-lift. Whatever! In layman's terms- I've messed these sayings. These may not go down in history. (I doubt even if it goes down well with the readers.) Who's line is it anyway? Here you go!

(1) Barking dogs seldom bite, while they bark.

(2) Necessity is the mother of invention.
Laziness is the father of hibernation.

(3) Alls fair in love and war... and hatred and peace and fun and bullying and bossing and politics and... the list continues.

(4) All that glitters is not gold. Today its known as bling-bling, baby!

(5) The grass is always greener on the other side. Let loose some cows in there for grazing.

(6) Its no use crying over spilled milk. Do with black coffee for now.

(7) Every dog has its day. You're lucky if you lead a dog's life then.

(8) Curiosity killed the cat. You look curious too.

(9) Alls well that ends well. Then there's another bad beginning.

(10) All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. And today he's a millionaire.

(11) Don't count your chickens before they are hatched. You may yearn for an omelet before that.

(12) Appearances are deceptive. You look smart.

Tomorrow if some Language experts sue me for all these, I'll have to eat my words. And sadly these are hard to digest. Uh-oh! I had forgotten to alert the readers to take a digestive tablet (preferably 'hajmola') before going through the post. The error is regretted.

THATS ALL FOLKS!!!

Inspirational Movies!

In a country where cricket is a religion and movie stars are worshiped, it takes a movie to spread across some message to the mass. Just imagine, you've got chocolate wrapper in your hand and it is very obvious that you would not hold it till you find a dust-bin around you. You will without hesitation throw it on the road or where ever you are. (This is not applicable incase you are at your home under any circumstances. Why?) Who am I to ask this? Right? Do I stop someone from littering the street? No. But atleast I don't even litter it myself. (Believe me.)

Oh! The topic suggests something else, right? No. It wasn't meant to lure you into reading this. That is in reference to 'Lage raho Munnabhai' movie. Yes, the Gandhigiri one. (Ah! What a coincidence, I'm writing this piece on the 2nd of October.) After the movie had come out, I was surprised to see that many people actually stopped littering. I surely was more than glad. But every happiness is short lived. People got back to their usual self. For those whom 'Gandhigiri' was in, it was again a subject of some time-pass movie.

How much can a movie change the world? Or even lets take the nation only. Do we need a movie to make us ponder over such things? So that it remains on the top of our minds till its running in the theatres and later gone with the wind? Why do we don't have a sense of our own? Why do we get impressed by such things, but when it comes to getting practical... Who cares? Was just like some another movie.

'Chak de India' is something that is the craze of the nation. Currently. (Though I haven't seen the movie and not even intending to.) The movie is based on 'Hockey' (supposed to be our national sport!). But has it helped? Our hockey team was winning then, and what do papers have to say? The movie had inspired the team to win. Wow! The movie sure gets the credit. And what about the players? Do they even get recognition? People who don't even watch cricket know some (or even most) of the players because they grace the television by their presence (of course the commercials)!

Aren't the 'other' players playing hard enough? Or winning is a child's play for them? They don't even get enough infrastructure than the cricketers. The only other Indian sport that is sometimes in limelight is Tennis.And when asked if there is any partiality between the treatment met to these cricketers and the others, what do people have to say? They say that the cricketers have to even bear the ire of the fans after their loses just like the worship and celebrations after their victories. Justified? Absolutely lopsided! These cricket aficionados can go to any extent to defend their love for the game.

I don't know whats on my mind right now. Just been reading about the recent treatment meted out to these players and so its all here. Things are going to be as it is. This was only a vent to my thoughts. In the end I want to see some kind of equality among the sports in the country. As long as India wins, who is complaining? And trust me, I won't, even if we lose.

P.S. People please stop littering.

Growing Issues.

Those were the times when I used to crib about restrictions. Those were the days when I wished I were 'big'. I had only one thing on my mind- When will I grow up? Grow up to enjoy the freedom, to make own decisions, to get a peek into the real world, and so on. How very wrong was I! Years later realization dawned upon me, that with freedom comes responsibilities. With an ability to be part of the real world is the task of survival of the fittest.

All we did was attend school, do homework, play for some while and then the day comes to an end. Exams, ofcourse, were what we dreaded every time, but then it was a routine and we got used to it. Play time was the most awaited one. Once done with the daily lessons, off we went to let ourselves wild. Watch endless cartoons, read comics, think about things to be done when we grow up... so many thoughts that filled our minds leaving no room for an idle phase.

And today... sure have no time to be idle. Fretting over work, enslaved by work pressure, miserable commuting experiences, and a million other woes sums up an entire day. But one thing is still the same- the eagerly awaited holiday. Why don't we have a Sunday every alternate day? I've begun to sound like a kid now! But I really don't mind. A most welcome change.

I wonder if I could be a kid again. Its not aging that bothers me. I'm 22 and have no qualms about disclosing it (But you see, people say that you mustn't ask a woman her age. How funny!). But still I miss the joy of being a kid... the carefree attitude... the real excitement on discovering something new... *sigh* And all we have are fabricated expressions. We have learnt to camouflage our real self behind fake demeanor.

I'm pretty sure that if I were a kid, I wouldn't have written stuff like this. You can see for yourself what 'growing up' has done to me. For those who haven't changed even a bit, good! But hey, I've not turned that worse. There's still a child in me who loves cartoons & comics. And the character I adore is Calvin. As quoted by him, "Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!" Thanks Bill Watterson :)

Here goes a childhood song:

"When I was just a child in school,
I asked my teacher, "What should I try?
Should I paint pictures?
Should I sing songs?"
This was her wise reply:
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be."